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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633158">Formaldehyde</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Friends With Benefits, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Relationships, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:53:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The jut of Tobirama’s hip would be the perfect place for a kiss.</p><p>Kagami swallows the thought.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Kagami</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Formaldehyde</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Formaldehyde is also the name of a song by Editors, which suits Tobirama very well imo</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ka-” Tobirama pants, cutting himself off mid-word. He's breathing hard, his face flushed and hair damp with sweat. His eyes are squeezed shut tight.</p><p>His clothes are pooled around his ankles, his arms braced above his head on the wall of the room they've sneaked into and his legs spread as he tilts his hips into Kagami’s fingers.</p><p>Kagami bites his cheek and presses in deeper with his fingers, rocking his wrist back and forth, pushing in hard enough that Tobirama’s breath starts coming faster and harder, his chest heaving more than it ever has during training.</p><p>A drop of sweat runs down the back of Tobirama’s neck.</p><p>He looks so good that Kagami aches with how much he wants to leave a mark.</p><p>Instead, Kagami bites his cheek harder and moves his hand faster. Tobirama makes a low, desperate sound, as his fingers dig into the smooth wall.</p><p>“Ka-”</p><p>Tobirama swallows the name again, and Kagami carefully doesn't squeeze the hip he's holding. Tobirama isn't his to mark.</p><p>He can't prove it's a name that Tobirama isn't letting himself say, but what else would Tobirama refuse to let Kagami hear from him?</p><p>It doesn't really matter. Kagami can't keep Tobirama; he knows that much. He just has to think about the memories he gets to keep.</p><p>They don't have long this time; the kages will return from their break any minute, and Tobirama can't rejoin his brother like this.</p><p>“Are you close, Tobirama-sama?” Kagami asks.</p><p>Tobirama nods.</p><p>In a world where they're in love, Kagami would kiss him and tell him how good he looks. He'd hold Tobirama without having to think about overstepping. He'd leave bruises just so Tobirama would see them and feel how much Kagami wants to keep him.</p><p>He'd ask if Tobirama would think about doing this the other way so Kagami is the one trying not to make a scene at a kage summit.</p><p>In this world, Kagami just drives his fingers into Tobirama as hard as he dares because that's what Tobirama wants.</p><p>It's what Kagami wants, too.</p><p>It's part of what he wants.</p><p>Tobirama comes with Kagami’s fingers inside him and nothing else, and Kagami bites his tongue to stop himself from saying something he shouldn't.</p><p>Tobirama slumps forward, his body damp with sweat and trembling, and Kagami knows from experience that he'll be almost docile for a while as he lets himself be looked after.</p><p>None of this fits with the image people have of him.</p><p>Kagami doesn't want to stop touching him. The kages will be returning soon, though, so Kagami reluctantly slips his fingers out and gets to work cleaning up, starting with the mess on the wall.</p><p>As he does, Tobirama closes his eyes and slowly catches his breath. He leans against the wall at an angle, pointing his body toward Kagami to make dressing him easier.</p><p>Kagami wipes the wall with the back of his sleeve and doesn't give into the temptation to let his hands linger on Tobirama’s skin as he reaches down.</p><p>The jut of Tobirama’s hip would be the perfect place for a kiss.</p><p>Kagami swallows the thought.</p><p>Instead of running his fingers over places he knows Tobirama likes, he pulls Tobirama's fundoshi up and tries, with limited success, to get it to lie flat.</p><p>He should have just pulled it to the side, but he hadn't wanted to get oil on it.</p><p>Giving up, Kagami unties it and goes through the steps of retying it.</p><p>He fumbles with it, unused to the style.</p><p>Kagami, like most ninjas, doesn't wear underwear like this except at festivals or missions where he has to wear traditional clothes, where he doesn't mind too much if the loops are messy.</p><p>Tobirama also wears the modern style when they're on missions or training, but when he’s in Konoha and wearing hakama, he switches back to the fundoshi.</p><p>Without a word, Tobirama touches Kagami’s hand and guides it like he did the first time Kagami found himself straightening Tobirama’s clothes.</p><p>Kagami’s fingers brush Tobirama’s hip. He doesn't give into the urge to stop winding the cloth and stroke the soft skin there.</p><p>Standing behind Tobirama as he is, though, Kagami can't help but take a moment look him over now that Tobirama has relaxed enough to be still.</p><p>There's nothing extra to Tobirama's body. His shoulders aren't broad like Hashirama's. He doesn't have thick, imposing muscles like some of the Morinos or the fat that keeps Akimichis strong.</p><p>It seems fitting that there's nothing extra to Tobirama.</p><p>The only part of his body that isn't thin is his ass. It's round and firm with muscle, and the fundoshi style leaves most of it uncovered. When he moves, Kagami tracks the way the muscles shift and flex; when Tobirama trains, he switches to the standard uniform pants, which fit tighter than his usual clothes.</p><p>Kagami isn't the only person who spends more time craning his neck to watch Tobirama dodge the things Madara and Hashiram throw at him than thinking about how he does it.</p><p>The urge to run his teeth up the curve where Tobirama's ass meets his thigh is so strong that Kagami has to clench his teeth not to follow it.</p><p>Any thoughts Tobirama has as Kagami finishes winding the cloth around his hip and secures it, he keeps to himself.</p><p>Releasing Kagami’s hand, Tobirama makes a quick, one-handed seal.</p><p>The sweat on their skin disappears.</p><p>“Thank you,” Kagami says. He’s speaking quietly, but it sounds like he's yelling. The room is too quiet now that Tobirama isn't breathing as hard.</p><p>Without waiting for a reply that may not come at all, Kagami bends down and picks up Tobirama’s kimono, careful not to linger over the places where he wanted to leave bruises as he slips it into place.</p><p>He quickly moves onto tying Tobirama’s obi, pulling up his hakama, and tying the straps.</p><p>Finished, he steps back.</p><p>Without Kagami boxing him in, Tobirama turns around.</p><p>His cheeks are pink, but his face reddens when he's worked up, which happens frequently. That isn't incriminating.</p><p>His hair is mussed, though, which rarely happens when he hasn't been training. Tobirama doesn't have nervous habits like running his hands through his hair, so someone else must have done it.</p><p>The messiness makes him look softer, less prickly. Kagami likes it like this more than the way Tobirama usually wears it, but soft isn't the way Tobirama wants himself to be seen.</p><p>It's a secret style, Kagami tells himself as he reaches up and gets to work putting Tobirama’s hair back in order. Only Hashirama and Kagami see Tobirama like this, and for different reasons.</p><p>Tobirama’s hair is soft; Kagami tries to find a reason to run his fingers through it as often as he can.</p><p>There's an odd look on Tobirama’s face when Kagami backs away, Tobirama’s hair close enough to the way it looked earlier, but he merely reaches over and slides the shōji open.</p><p>Kagami feels himself flush at the reminder that the sweat is gone, but they both still smell like they've been doing what they've been doing.</p><p>“Hands,” Tobirama orders.</p><p>Kagami holds them out without thinking, and before he can ask, Tobirama uses a little chakra to form a small ball of water in one hand, which he slips Kagami’s hands through one at a time.</p><p>“You should wash properly when you return,” he says. The ball disappears. “This at least cleaned you up enough to be in public.”</p><p>“Cleaned him up from what?”</p><p>Kagami recognizes the voice and turns to bow politely at the hokage.</p><p>“Good afternoon, Hokage-sama.”</p><p>“I thought it was you, Kagami!” Hashirama says brightly. He's always been especially warm to Kagami; it took a while for Kagami to realize that Hashirama is simply being friendly to someone Tobirama likes. “Did something happen?”</p><p>“Nothing worth worrying about,” Kagami answers. “There was progress on an experiment that required Tobirama’s decision on how to proceed.”</p><p>That was what brought him here, but it only took Tobirama a minute to decide what to do next.</p><p>It was Kagami who noticed how wound up Tobirama had gotten and suggested that they find a room in the building where they wouldn't be disturbed for a while.</p><p>Hashirama nods; he's used to how picky Tobirama can be about his work. “Very sensible of you to check with him.</p><p>“Unfortunately, even if you haven't finished, I need Tobirama to return with me.”</p><p>“Of course,” Kagami says, “I’ll return as well.”</p><p>He bows again, then makes a quick departure.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Kagami spends the rest of the day looking over a scroll he'd been working on with Tobirama last month and wondering how Tobirama can take the torrent of scrambled thoughts at the beginning of the scroll and come to such an organized description by the end.</p><p>Every technique Tobirama works on, no matter how complex, gets distilled into simple steps.</p><p>The experiment Kagami went to see him about is a slab of rock Tobirama suspects may be able to store chakra. It had Tobirama’s chakra earlier, and when it began to shake, he went looking for Tobirama.</p><p>The slab is broken now.</p><p>Kagami should have returned immediately, but the lab is remote and Tobirama had seemed ready to explode as well.</p><p>Reminded that the oil he's taken to bringing with him is getting low, Kagami closes Tobirama’s scroll and reaches for the much smaller one Kagami uses for keeping track of small things he needs to remember to do.</p><p>There's ink and a brush nearby, so he writes a quick message.</p><p>As he waits for it to dry, he feels the shift of chakra that accompanies hiraishin.</p><p>Kagami looks up from the scroll. “Did you finish early, Tobirama-sama?”</p><p>Tobirama nods, but he doesn't say anything further. He comes closer and tilts Kagami’s head up with a hand on his chin for a kiss.</p><p>It's a soft kiss, and Kagami can almost trick himself into believing the fantasy that Tobirama is coming to the lab just for him, returned from a long day as a diplomat and looking for something good as a reward for playing nice.</p><p>The second kiss is more urgent.</p><p>“For earlier,” Tobirama explains, dropping his hand from Kagami’s chin to his waist. “My brother interrupted.”</p><p>Not following, Kagami blinks at him.</p><p>Tobirama brushes the backs of his fingers against the front of Kagami’s uniform pants, and it clicks.</p><p>“We aren't keeping score,” Kagami reminds him.</p><p>Tobirama kisses him again. “I'm more concerned that you won't ask.”</p><p>Kagami shakes his head, but Tobirama isn't wrong.</p><p>“Do you have time?” Tobirama asks.</p><p>Kagami nods. “There's a clan meeting, but that's not for more than an hour.”</p><p>Tobirama doesn't point out that he could make this last that long. He just tilts his head for another kiss.</p><p>His kisses have been getting harder since the first one, each hungrier than the one before.</p><p>Kagami has been with other people, but none of them kissed him like this.</p><p>Tobirama kisses him again and turns the hand that brushed Kagami’s pants earlier around, Tobirama’s wide hand curling around him as he strokes Kagami slowly.</p><p>Kagami’s breath catches. It always catches him off-guard by how good even smaller things feel when he's with Tobirama.</p><p>He lets himself be backed up to the wall when Tobirama nudges him.</p><p>Tobirama is moving maddeningly slowly despite the way he's kissing, and the gentle pressure of Tobirama almost delicately rubbing Kagami over his clothes is excruciating.</p><p>It's been years since Kagami embarrassed himself by coming too fast, but being with Tobirama makes him feel like he’ll relive an embarrassing night from his teenage years as a man of nearly thirty.</p><p>“I'd like to try something,” Tobirama says between kisses.</p><p>Kagami nods. Whatever Tobirama wants to try is fine with him.</p><p>The person whose place he's holding may get to keep Tobirama, but Kagami got to have him first.</p><p>Usually there would be an admonishment about agreeing too quickly. This time, there's only Tobirama’s tongue and a flare of chakra below Kagami’s waist.</p><p>Kagami doesn't feel anything right away, but a moment later, Tobirama reaches into his pants and the difference becomes clear.</p><p>Tobirama’s hand is cool and slick as he closes it around Kagami’s cock, starkly different from the heat of Kagami’s flushed skin and the rough fabric of his boxers.</p><p>Kagami can't hide his surprised inhale, and Tobirama immediately opens his hand.</p><p>“Too cold,” he says, less of a question than an observation.</p><p>“No,” Kagami tells him. “It was good, just surprising.”</p><p>Tobirama hums thoughtfully, and after thinking it over, slowly closes his hand again.</p><p>Knowing what he’s about to feel makes it less startling, but the chill still sends a shiver up Kagami’s spine.</p><p>Finally remembering he can use his hands for more than flexing his fingers against the wall, Kagami lays them on Tobirama’s shoulders.</p><p>He can't help but flex them again a moment later as Tobirama gives him an experimental stroke.</p><p>“Good?” Tobirama asks.</p><p>“Better than,” Kagami promises.</p><p>Tobirama leans in for a kiss, and Kagami doesn't try to fight the moan that tumbles from his mouth into Tobirama’s.</p><p>He lets himself just feel, enjoying Tobirama's kisses and the cool glide of Tobirama's hand over his hot skin.</p><p>He struggles to keep still as Tobirama moves his hand slowly. It doesn't feel like a handjob; it feels like Tobirama testing how long Kagami can go without begging.</p><p>If Kagami thought it would work, he already would be.</p><p>The rhythm Tobirama sets is so slow, his kisses so distracting, that Kagami almost doesn't notice how close he is until he feels his hips jerk without his say-so, his body chasing Tobirama’s hand to get that last bit of friction he needs.</p><p>Tobirama smiles against his lips, and just like that, the slowness disappears. Tobirama works him hard and fast, and it’s all Kagami can do to remember how to breathe as Tobirama kisses him hard enough that Kagami can feel his lips swelling.</p><p>When he comes, the noise Kagami makes is a whine.</p><p>Tobirama lets go slowly, his fingers stroking Kagami lightly before he reclaims his hand.</p><p>If Kagami didn't know better, he'd say Tobirama is reluctant to take his hand out of Kagami's pants.</p><p>They didn't do anything that should have tired him out, but that doesn't stop Kagami from slumping against the wall, as exhausted as he is after training with his team.</p><p>He's still trying to catch his breath when Tobirama touches Kagami’s forehead with his clean hand.</p><p>It, too, is cool.</p><p>Kagami sighs and leans into the touch.</p><p>He can't stop chasing Tobirama.</p><p>Tobirama huffs. “It isn't practical for cooling off, but you've gone a worrying shade of red.”</p><p>“I wasn't expecting to be an experiment today. It was good, though.”</p><p>Kagami’s weak knees say it was more than that.</p><p>“So long as you liked it.”</p><p>He never doesn't like it with Tobirama. Even the first, awkward time had been good.</p><p>Kagami and Tobirama had been left behind when the team they'd been celebrating with headed off to drink at someone else’s favorite place.</p><p>It had followed a long, miserable mission on the border with Suna, the first Kagami had been on with Tobirama since Tobirama had nearly died facing the squad from Kumo, only to drag himself back just close enough for the closest guard to reach him. He'd smiled around a grimace when he recognized Kagami.</p><p>“You lived?” he'd asked as Kagami put Tobirama's arm over his shoulders. “All of you?”</p><p>At Kagami’s nod, Tobirama had let out a heavy breath, then coughed blood down himself and passed out.</p><p>Kagami has been nursing a crush on him ever since, and spending months in close quarters with Tobirama after years of comfortably pining from a distance had made the time go more slowly.</p><p>Years of living in a compound with an overly familiar family that threw shouji open unannounced had made Kagami good at sneaking away and making things quick, but two weeks in, Tobirama had mentioned that Kagami had a tendency to disappear, so Kagami had had to cut down or risk being questioned about his late night walks.</p><p>He'd been so relieved when the mission ended that he'd nearly hugged Torifu on the spot.</p><p>It's well known that Tobirama isn't much of a drinker, but after being pestered the entire journey back, he'd let them drag him to an izakaya.</p><p>The others had run off when Kagami and Tobirama said they'd had enough to drink. Tobirama’s face had been flushed as he insisted on walking Kagami home, and Kagami had been so pleased not to be the only one not interested in drinking to black out, he hadn't thought about what he was agreeing to until they were outside.</p><p>As they walked, Tobirama had stopped to look at a patch of grass and said, very seriously, “I missed grass.”</p><p>Kagami had been just drunk enough to think kissing Tobirama was the right response to that, and Tobirama had been just drunk enough to agree.</p><p>Without a word, they'd stumbled to the nearest place with any semblance of privacy. Kagami had only been hoping for a little kissing, but the two of them had wound up going far further than that.</p><p>The sake they'd been drinking is one he’ll always associate with riding thighs in an alley with Tobirama.</p><p>Tobirama had kissed Kagami so hard his lips swelled up that time, too.</p><p>Without thinking, Kagami raises his hand to his mouth.</p><p>“Do they hurt?” Tobirama asks, frowning.</p><p>Kagami shakes his head, but Tobirama moves his hand from Kagami’s forehead to his lips anyway.</p><p>He doesn't use chakra to lessen the swelling, only to keep his fingers cool as he dulls the ache.</p><p>Kagami misses the ache as soon as it’s gone, but he means the words when he thanks Tobirama. It was considerate and good for maintaining the secrecy Tobirama wants; Kagami’s disappointment is his own problem.</p><p>Whoever Tobirama is almost silently begging for is going luckier than they could possibly realize.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You're hurting yourself,” Torifu says as they sit down for their team’s monthly dinner in the Akimichi compound. “Whatever you're doing, you look like shit. I don't like you looking like shit, Kagami. That's Danzō’s job.”</p><p>The third member of their team is conspicuously but predictably absent. Their team dinners started being Torifu and Kagami’s dinners after they found Tobirama’s broken happuri and enough blood to drown in.</p><p>“We’re ninjas, Torifu.”</p><p>“So you can see why I'm concerned. What's going on?”</p><p>Torifu has been a friend for as long as Kagami has known him. From the first moment when they met up as a team with a chilly Danzō, Torifu’s been at Kagami's side. He'd broken the senbei he'd been eating in two and held one half out to Kagami.</p><p>For a while, Kagami had had a mortifying crush on him; he'd dreamed of casting off his clan’s refusal to marry outsiders and becoming an Akimichi. He'd learned how to cook with scant ingredients so he could make Torifu smile on missions.</p><p>The crush had faded, but Kagami will always love him.</p><p>This time, Kagami doesn't daydream of enticing Tobirama like he had with Torifu. He knows his place in Tobirama’s life, and he's grateful for it.</p><p>The memory of Tobirama kissing him so much it hurt bubbles up, as does the embarrassment of Tobirama hiding the proof they'd been together.</p><p>After all, Tobirama's lips had been red and full, too, but he hadn’t touched them.</p><p>But this is what Kagami agreed to. Tobirama is a prominent Senju; he has a future that belongs to someone greater than a fool who fell in love with an unattainable person.</p><p>Kagami gives Torifu his most confident smile. “Thank you, but really, I’m fine.”</p><p>The look Torifu gives him is understandably doubtful.</p><p>“Really,” Kagami promises. “The person you should be looking after is Danzō. You’re about him looking like shit. I can't tell if he's going to murder Hiruzen or not.”</p><p>Torifu huffs. “That's a poor attempt at distraction, but I do have gossip about them. It's very interesting gossip. Plus,” he says, leaning in, “Homura told me and Biwako confirmed it, so it might even be real.”</p><p>“Well?” Kagami prompts. “What are they up to?”</p><p>Torifu points significantly at Kagami’s bowl.</p><p>As proof that he isn't too upset to eat, Kagami takes a large spoonful of soup and swallows it.</p><p>Reassured, Torifu launches into the promised gossip about Danzō’s turbulent relationship with Hiruzen.</p><p>Tobirama doesn't leave his thoughts as Kagami listens, but Torifu’s impression of Danzō’s sulk chases him to the back of Kagami’s mind.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>For someone keeping a relationship secret, Tobirama can be convinced to try risky things. Some of them, like what they're doing now, are things that would give a real couple pause.</p><p>Tobirama is sitting at his desk in his office, taking notes with one hand on something Hashirama gave him earlier and running his fingers through Kagami’s hair with the other.</p><p>If it weren't for the redness of his cheeks and the deliberate way he's breathing, there would be no reason for someone to think that Kagami is under his desk.</p><p>Tobirama’s insistence on holding himself still despite how long Kagami has been blowing him is as impressive as his willingness to do this at all is baffling.</p><p>Doing this faster would be smarter, but Kagami doesn't get many chances to take his time. The pressure to touch Tobirama as much as he can before this ends makes him impatient.</p><p>He came here because Hashirama spotted him and asked him to remind Tobirama that he promised to come to dinner tomorrow, but as he passed the message along, Tobirama had rubbed his forehead the way he does when he hasn't been sleeping. Kagami had only meant to encourage him to go home and rest, but Tobirama had misunderstood.</p><p>He'd blushed bright pink as he told Kagami that his office isn't the place for that, but when Kagami tentatively walked around the desk, Tobirama hadn't stopped him.</p><p>He hadn't stopped Kagami from going under the desk either.</p><p>Or untying Tobirama's hakama.</p><p>Or opening his kimono.</p><p>Or pulling his underwear down.</p><p>Or any of the things Kagami had done to get Tobirama hard.</p><p>There are things Tobirama says no to. If he'd wanted Kagami to stop, he would have said so, and Kagami would have stopped.</p><p>Tobirama hadn't said anything, though, and now Kagami is kneeling under Tobirama’s desk, his jaw aching from keeping his mouth open for so long.</p><p>Tobirama draws a sharp breath in when Kagami pulls back and sucks on just the tip.</p><p>The way Tobirama’s belly tenses as he fights to keep himself still makes the ache worth it.</p><p>Tobirama’s hand clenches in Kagami's hair as Kagami shifts closer and swallows him down again.</p><p>Kagami still can't take him all the way in, but he’s getting closer. Going slowly like this helps. As good as it is to watch Tobirama struggle to keep his cool when Kagami is trying to make him come quickly, this is the only way Kagami can practice.</p><p>He’ll get all the way before this ends.</p><p>Tobirama shifts in his seat, a sure sign he's at the edge of what he can take but is still trying to hold on, and Kagami’s gut aches as he wishes he weren't a placeholder.</p><p>This is still his.</p><p>Until Tobirama leaves, he's still Kagami’s.</p><p>Tobirama gives his hair a warning tug, but Kagami only pulls back enough to kiss the tip, then swallows around him again.</p><p>He's going to lose Tobirama eventually. He may as well do everything he can think of.</p><p>For now, the only person who ducks under Tobirama’s desk is Kagami. The only one Tobirama trusts to make him feel good is Kagami. The only one who gets to hear Tobirama gasp when he comes is Kagami.</p><p>Hidden like this, Kagami can be possessive because Tobirama can't see it and chastise him for getting ahead of himself.</p><p>Tobirama makes the breathy sound Kagami loves, so Kagami gives Tobirama a break and pulls off again to kiss Tobirama’s thigh.</p><p>It could be Kagome. There's a woman with that name who often accompanies the kazekage.</p><p>It could be the kazekage himself.</p><p>Kagami leaves another kiss a little higher up Tobirama's thigh.</p><p>Kagemori, maybe? There's a Nara named that. A bit older than Tobirama and married, which would explain Tobirama’s reluctance to say his name.</p><p>And another kiss a little higher still.</p><p>Kamon.</p><p>And again and again, a kiss for each name he thinks of.</p><p>Katsuhito.</p><p>Kansuke.</p><p>Kazuhiko.</p><p>Kaname.</p><p>He keeps going until Tobirama’s cock brushes his cheek. He's going to regret it later, when his face is sticky and he isn't so turned on he can barely think, but right now, all Kagami wants is to feel him.</p><p>Tobirama shifts, that breathy sound slipping out again. Kagami runs his lips over the shaft, kissing it sloppily, and Tobirama’s grip on Kagami’s hair gets so tight, it hurts.</p><p>Giving in, Kagami takes Tobirama back in as far as he can and uses his hand on what can't fit.</p><p>Tobirama pants a warning, his voice tight as he says Kagami’s name.</p><p>Kagami ignores him. This is where he wants to be.</p><p>Making Tobirama come nearly makes Kagami do the same. He palms himself through his pants as he swallows.</p><p>He pulls off Tobirama slowly, only pausing to press a light kiss to the side of the shaft.</p><p>He’s barely sat back, easing the pressure on his knees, before Tobirama is pushing his chair back and ducking under the desk</p><p>“Kagami,” is all Tobirama says before he kisses him.</p><p>One hand bats Kagami's hand away from his pants. Tobirama tugs them down quickly and makes a sound of surprise when his hand touches skin instead of underwear.</p><p>Kagami is just behind on washing his clothes, but he keeps that to himself when he hears the way Tobirama says his name.</p><p>Tobirama closes his fingers around Kagami’s cock and quickly sets a fast rhythm, his hand slick like it was last time but warm.</p><p>He doesn't say anything more.</p><p>Ignoring the mess Kagami’s face must be, he licks the corner of Kagami’s mouth, over Kagami’s lips, and into his mouth.</p><p>Tobirama gets like this sometimes. He kisses and kisses Kagami like he can't get enough.</p><p>But he stops this time.</p><p>He shifts away on his knees and without saying a word, bends down and takes Kagami into his mouth.</p><p>Kagami has to bite his hand to keep quiet.</p><p>Tobirama looks up at Kagami with an expression that says he's as turned on by this as Kagami is.</p><p>Kagami chokes on Tobirama's name and bites down harder.</p><p>His other hand reaches for Tobirama, only for Tobirama to catch it and link their fingers.</p><p>He doesn't stop when Kagami tries to tell him he's close, and when Kagami comes, Tobirama swallows around him.</p><p>After he pulls away, he bends his head and presses soft kisses to Kagami's face.</p><p>Kagami pulls weakly at Tobirama’s kimono, and Tobirama opens his mouth for Kagami to kiss him.</p><p>Whoever gets to keep this man, Kagami hopes they know how lucky they are.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Torifu is right about Kagami burning out, but it's hard to care about that when Kagami has Tobirama pinned to the wall of an alley near Tobirama’s home, rubbing him through his pants because he got impatient and Tobirama let himself be pulled.</p><p>“Ka-” Tobirama chokes. The rest of the name gets lost in his heavy breaths.</p><p>Kagami wants to hear it.</p><p>Tobirama tilts his head back, and even though it's an invitation for someone else, Kagami kisses Tobirama’s throat.</p><p>It could get him killed, putting pressure on a place like that, but Tobirama only sighs.</p><p>Lust can't undo years of training; Tobirama is letting Kagami touch his throat because he trusts him.</p><p>Trust isn't the kind of love Kagami wants, but it's what he can get.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Tobirama-sama has been in a really good mood lately,” one of Torifu’s sisters says, her voice carrying over to where Kagami is sitting on a bench, enjoying the afternoon sunshine on a rare day off, as she and a friend make their way down the street.</p><p>“And we all know why,” the Yamanaka walking with her replies. “It really makes you think about the state of your love life when Senju Tobirama is having more sex than you.”</p><p>“Is it that weird? He's a little unfriendly, but I bet he's a good lay.”</p><p>Michi must not recognize him; she's older than Torifu so they haven't spent much time together.</p><p>He catches the mistake immediately. Why would Michi not talk about Tobirama in front of him? As far as the rest of the village is concerned, he and Tobirama are little more than colleagues.</p><p>The Yamanaka snorts. “How many people do you know who'd risk it to find out? He might decide you aren't good enough and drown you.”</p><p>“Well, somebody clearly is. And he was walking kind of funny the other day, so you know what that means…”</p><p>“Ugh, gross.”</p><p>“You started it! Besides, you're just angry because you know I’m right.”</p><p>As the two of them pass out of hearing, Kagami shakes his head.</p><p>Despite what Michi and her friend suggested, Kagami and Tobirama never go all the way. They don't even undress half of the time.</p><p>If he could, Kagami would rather take a long time and do everything properly, but that isn't what Tobirama wants from him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It's almost three in the morning, and Kagami has a hand clapped over his mouth, muffling how hard he's breathing.</p><p>He woke up hard, and he won't get to sleep if he tries to ignore it.</p><p>Tobirama had spent most of the day before working alone on a few potential new improvements for Konoha’s explosive tags, but when Kagami showed up with a bowl of soup in one hand and a bowl of rice in the other, Tobirama had set aside the scroll he'd been sketching in.</p><p>Looking after Tobirama is surprisingly easy. He understands that if he doesn't eat or consistently works too long into the night, he’ll be more prone to making mistakes. His problem isn't neglect; it's a tendency to get so absorbed in what he's doing when he's working alone that he loses track of time.</p><p>Kagami got a kiss for the belated dinner; he can still taste the bancha Tobirama had been drinking if he concentrates.</p><p>He's never liked bancha, but the taste is growing on him.</p><p>Biting his lip, Kagami casts his mind back over the details of the last time he spent time with Tobirama. Tobirama had been wearing the thin clothes he usually wears when he's going to be training, so Kagami’s hand had met the firm lines of Tobirama's shoulder when he patted it.</p><p>Thin though he is, Tobirama still has the solid build most ninjas have.</p><p>Kagami wouldn't have thought Tobirama was his type, but now that he can touch, he can barely keep his hands off Tobirama.</p><p>He shouldn't- he should find someone else to fantasize about- but Kagami follows the thought.</p><p>Being invited to touch Tobirama ought to be enough for him- it will have to be eventually- but he can't help wanting things to go a different way.</p><p>Spreading his legs, Kagami reaches back with one hand. He'll never not love the way Tobirama looks when Kagami is three fingers deep and making him bite back noises other people shouldn't hear. He'd just like to feel things the other way around, too.</p><p>Tobirama’s hands are beautiful. Kagami loses track of conversations because he's imagining them on his body.</p><p>His own hands are messy with oil as he strokes himself with one and slides two fingers from his other hand down and back.</p><p>With his eyes squeezed shut, he can pretend that it's Tobirama’s fingers teasing him.</p><p>Biting his lip even harder, Kagami tries to imagine what Tobirama would say, and in the safety of his fantasy, he lets himself think that Tobirama would tell him how much he's been thinking about this. How hard it’s been not to kiss him every time he's seen him. How much he wants to fuck Kagami.</p><p>The real Kagami is so close it hurts, and the imagined Kagami groans as the Tobirama who belongs to him finally stops teasing and presses a finger in.</p><p>Kagami comes with a strangled cry.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>One of Tobirama’s long-term projects, an attempt at rehydrating preserved food, turns to mush in the middle of an afternoon.</p><p>It had lasted nearly two and a half days, the longest to date.</p><p>“Progress,” Tobirama says as he frowns down at the tables. “It seems slower isn't better after all…”</p><p>He touches the mess with two bare fingers. “This is a strange response, though. Did you notice anything different about it earlier?”</p><p>Kagami shakes his head. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Don't apologize when you did nothing wrong. If it had done something unusual, you would have noticed.”</p><p>Tobirama pats Kagami’s shoulder.</p><p>Reminded of the other night, Kagami wonders if Tobirama ever thinks about touching Kagami the way Kagami thinks about him doing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You wouldn't know it just by looking, Kagami decides as Tobirama sits down beside him, but Tobirama enjoys being touched.</p><p>When they're having sex, he likes the usual places and gets a little pushy when he's desperate, but when they aren't, he still invites Kagami to touch him.</p><p>He just doesn't do it the way other people do.</p><p>Tobirama stands a little too close and doesn't look as directly at him when he’s saying Kagami can reach for him if Kagami wants to.</p><p>Kagami always wants to, and as long as Kagami reaches out first, Tobirama reaches back.</p><p>He does it subtly, but it would be strange if he suddenly became effusive like his brother.</p><p>He touches Kagami’s back as he passes. He claps Kagami on the shoulder when Kagami does something well. He sits close enough when they work to let their bodies brush.</p><p>He moves Kagami sometimes while working, silently pushing him with a hip or pulling him out of the way of this thing or that poison.</p><p>Familiarity makes it easy for Kagami to know when Tobirama is just too focused on his thoughts to realize he moved from leaning over Kagami to leaning on Kagami and when Tobirama is being friendly.</p><p>Kagami usually responds in kind, nudging Tobirama with his own hip or running the back of his hand up Tobirama’s forearm when they're sitting together.</p><p>Sometimes Tobirama tries to squeeze past him in a narrow part of the building- another habit rooted in Tobirama being consumed by his thoughts- and Kagami tilts his hips so it’s an even tighter fit.</p><p>He's done it enough now that when Tobirama wants attention, he’ll pass by too close regardless of how much room there is, encouraging Kagami to lean into him.</p><p>Sharing the lab is going to become a punishment when this ends.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tobirama’s ass really isn't anything special, but when Kagami pulls him into his lap at the end of a long day of Tobirama doing his equivalent of rubbing himself on Kagami, he can't think of any complaints.</p><p>Kagami has to duck under Tobirama’s arm to watch as Kagami strokes him, but Tobirama, who’s never been self-conscious about being looked at, obligingly shifts to make it easier.</p><p>They're alone in the lab after a rare day of sharing it with a group from Suna, and Tobirama is completely naked in Kagami’s lap, his legs open wide as he leans back into Kagami.</p><p>With his head tilted back, his mouth open, and his eyes shut, he’s so handsome it hurts.</p><p>The wet sounds of skin on skin as Kagami strokes Tobirama and the way Tobirama moans, low and desperate, have Kagami caught up in him. He smells good even when he's sweaty, and when Kagami kisses his ribs, he tastes good, too.</p><p>“Ka-” Tobirama chokes out.</p><p>Kagami tries to make it last, but when Tobirama gets close, he arches his back like one of those drawings Torifu’s Nara friend is so good at finding, his ass grinding against Kagami as he stops trying to keep still, and draws in heavy, unsteady breaths. He makes noises like every second this takes is painful.</p><p>Kagami would do stupid things to keep Tobirama.</p><p>As he sneaks home later in come- and sweat-damp clothes, all he can hear are the names Tobirama could have been trying to say.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“So,” Torifu says as he drops down next to Kagami on the bench, “how long have you been fucking him?”</p><p>Kagami freezes. “What?”</p><p>“You and the man who gave you a place of pride as one of his direct subordinates. His gifted, beloved few.” Torifu opens the bag in his hands and lifts out a manjū bun. “How long have you and Tobirama-sama been having sex?”</p><p>“It isn't like that,” Kagami protests, face heating. “I earned that place on my own.”</p><p>Torifu shakes his head. “I know that. I'm asking how long you've been tearing yourself up over him. And don't try to tell me you aren't sleeping with someone. I was there when you were obsessing about that Hyuuga. I know what pining looks like on you. And what you look like when you've been ‘training’ as Hiruzen tries to say.”</p><p>Kagami sighs; Torifu knows him too well. “Fine, I’m hung up on someone, but why would you think it's Tobirama-sama?”</p><p>“Besides the years-long crush you've had on him?” Torifu takes a bite of his bun and chews slowly. “I saw you two getting cozy in a dark street near my favorite midnight snack spot a couple nights ago. Well, I heard you first. You're very loud for a ninja, Kagami.”</p><p>If he weren't mortified, Kagami would laugh- undone by a snacking Akimichi.</p><p>As it is, he looks down at his hands. Last night, he'd held Tobirama’s wrists as they kissed.</p><p>They're surprisingly delicate wrists.</p><p>Tobirama himself is surprisingly delicate.</p><p>Even knowing Tobirama is one of the most dangerous people in the world and easily the fastest, Kagami can't stop seeing how delicate Tobirama is.</p><p>Kagami wants to hold him just to hold him.</p><p>He wants to hear Tobirama say Kagami's name when he comes.</p><p>He wants to kiss Tobirama so often that Tobirama tilts head for a kiss without thinking.</p><p>He wants Tobirama.</p><p>“It’s been a while,” Kagami admits.</p><p>Torifu, who'd taken another bite and been eating pensively, pulls another bun out. “You're doing better than Danzō. He's still pretending half the fights he picks with Hiruzen aren't a poor disguise for the two of them sneaking off together.”</p><p>“He's lucky Biwako has someone on the side,” Kagami says, shaking his head.</p><p>“He's the reason Biwako is face first in that Yamanaka, you mean.”</p><p>“That's disgusting, Torifu.”</p><p>“Not as disgusting as what Hiruzen is doing to Danzō as we speak.”</p><p>Kagami rolls his eyes, but when Torifu pulls out another bun and pushes it at him, Kagami takes it happily.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Kagami,” Tobirama says curtly as he sweeps past Kagami on his way out of the Academy building. “I need you.”</p><p>Freshly returned from a mission and exhausted, it's habit that has Kagami following him. That's the tone he uses when he's got something pressing; even the hokage straightens up when Tobirama uses it.</p><p>Madara is probably the only person immune to it, but Madara is immune to most things.</p><p>Tobirama must be really worked up if he's saying he needs Kagami, especially with other people around.</p><p>Kagami's mission only lasted two weeks, but they'd been having sex almost every day before he left. Tobirama is probably just pent up.</p><p>Trotting to keep up- Tobirama walks fast, and Kagami is worn out- Kagami tails Tobirama through the village to the lab.</p><p>As soon as Tobirama shuts the door, Kagami reaches for Tobirama’s hakama. He doesn't want to do anything more than lie down and nap the day away, but he won't turn down the opportunity to spend time with Tobirama.</p><p>A nap would be better. Tobirama’s floor has soft tatami mats. His spare futon is better than Kagami’s.</p><p>Even if his home were terrible, Kagami would still want to sleep near him.</p><p>Tobirama closes his hands around Kagami’s, halting Kagami’s attempt at untying Tobirama's hakama. “Kagami.”</p><p>“Sorry, Tobirama-sama. I’m tired, but I should be-”</p><p>“I wanted you to come here to help me locate the box with the records you'd been helping me organize.” Tobirama says firmly, frowning at him.</p><p>Embarrassment creeping up his face, Kagami releases his hold on Tobirama, who releases him in turn.</p><p>“That's a relief.” Kagami barely has the energy to stay on his feet. Keeping up with Tobirama would be impossible. “When the hokage called you away, you mentioned wanting to integrate paperwork from the Academy. It would be easier to do that as we go, so I put them together. I meant to leave a note, but I was called away for the mission as I was returning the box.”</p><p>“Of course.” Tobirama drops Kagami’s wrists. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Is there something else, Tobirama-sama?”</p><p>“No, you've already done more than you needed to. I can handle the rest.”</p><p>He turns and walks away without another word.</p><p>Recognizing the dismissal, Kagami leaves quickly, but he can't shake the feeling that he and Tobirama weren't having the same conversation.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next two days are mysteriously absent Tobirama.</p><p>Kagami asks around, confused and concerned- it isn't like Tobirama to disappear without a word- until Madara himself appears in the lab where Kagami, without anything else to do, had decided to channel his concern into something useful.</p><p>Tobirama keeps his work tidy, but he doesn't have time to keep everything spotless.</p><p>“He's with Hashirama,” Madara announces, materializing in the doorway. “Hashirama dragged him off without letting anyone know.”</p><p>He scowls, and it occurs to Kagami that Madara is also an Uchiha who accidentally fell in love with a Senju.</p><p>In a way, Kagami’s situation is Madara’s fault.</p><p>Madara stalks over with a curious expression. “You like him, don't you? Hashirama’s little brother?”</p><p>Kagami doesn't look away, but he does feel a mounting sense of guilt.</p><p>Tobirama killed Madara’s last brother.</p><p>“I didn't have a choice,” Kagami says.</p><p>“None of us does.” Madara tilts his head, studying Kagami. “The point of this village was to make the world better. Falling in love here is part of that.”</p><p>“But not with him.”</p><p>“Ah, you think I'm angry, don't you?”</p><p>Kagami raises his eyebrows. “Aren't you?”</p><p>Madara raises his eyebrows in return. “Of course I am. I always will be. That's what love does to us. You're an Uchiha. You know that better than most.”</p><p>After all, he doesn't say, Kagami didn't have the Sharingan before he became an orphan.</p><p>“But,” he continues, “that's a burden Tobirama and I carry. You have enough of your own.”</p><p>Not liking the sound of that, Kagami asks, “What problems do I have?”</p><p>Madara barks a laugh. “You fell in love with Senju Tobirama. Bad taste in men is a good place to start the list.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tobirama reappears when Kagami is in the middle of cleaning the lab.</p><p>He doesn't look good, but he doesn't look bad either. A little rumpled, a little tired, but healthy.</p><p>Rather than join Kagami at the table as he usually does, however, Tobirama clears his throat.</p><p>He looks profoundly uncomfortable, which bodes poorly. Tobirama is only ever uncomfortable when his brother embarrasses him, and even that has a high threshold.</p><p>“I need to apologize,” Tobirama says.</p><p>Kagami blinks, thrown. “You do?”</p><p>“I do.” Tobirama crosses his arms across his chest. “Our relationship can't continue. I shouldn't have begun it in the first place.”</p><p>The day after Madara gave Kagami his implicit permission to be with Tobirama. It hasn't even been a full day.</p><p>Instead of his reputation being torn apart by his own clan, it's Kagami’s heart getting torn apart by Tobirama.</p><p>“I see,” he says, keeping his voice even. He's an accomplished shinobi, a man whose talent made him worthy of being selected by one of the village’s founders; he can keep it together through a breakup.</p><p>It isn't really a breakup. Tobirama is being generous when he calls what they had a relationship.</p><p>“I should have known not to act on what I was feeling in the moment, but I wasn't thinking,” Tobirama continues. “I’m sorry for that, Kagami.”</p><p>Kagami can't think of another time when Tobirama has apologized. Stubborn doesn't begin to describe him. He's proud and frequently defiant; even getting him to acknowledge a misjudgment aloud is nearly impossible.</p><p>Being deemed worthy of breaking that defiant attitude for isn't nothing.</p><p>It, like the rest, just isn't what Kagami wants.</p><p>“We’ll go back to the way things were, then?” Kagami asks.</p><p>Tobirama nods. “If that's what you want, but you aren't beholden to me. You'd be an asset to anyone you chose to work for.”</p><p>Leaving would be easier on Kagami’s heart. “I'd prefer to continue working with you if you aren't against it.”</p><p>Tobirama’s lips twist, but he nods again and, after an awkward silence, asks Kagami if he's been cleaning the whole time.</p><p>Kagami hands over the notes he took, and for a moment, Tobirama’s smile is soft and genuine.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The first week of their return to the way things used to be, Kagami is depressed and angry with himself.</p><p>He has to make a conscious effort not to fall into the habits he picked up when he was allowed to touch Tobirama.</p><p>Tobirama hasn't said anything about Kagami not being allowed to touch him, but even if he's okay with it- which, given the way he grimaces when they bump elbows sometimes, Kagami doubts- Kagami isn't.</p><p>There aren't enough hours in the night. Kagami wakes up as tired as the night before. Torifu caught a glimpse of him and dragged Kagami over to eat with him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>By the end of the third week, Kagami is depressed, angry with himself, and constantly turned on.</p><p>Tobirama is still keeping the same distance he kept before they became involved, but that's its own kind of agony. A month ago, Kagami could reach for him and know that Tobirama would meet him in the middle. He could step into Tobirama’s space and be welcomed into it. He could slip Tobirama's uniform pants down his legs and make him cry out.</p><p>Not for Kagami but for someone whose name is close enough.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tobirama is surrounded by people whose names start with ka.</p><p>Someday, Kagami thinks as he watches Tobirama reach into a tub of water, he might find out which of them is the one Tobirama wanted to cry out for.</p><p>Tobirama lifts his hand out and checks the paper tag he pulled from the bottom of the tub.</p><p>“Still dry “ he says to himself, looking pleased.</p><p>He makes a one-handed sign, and his hand dries in an instant.</p><p>His wrists look as fragile as they had when Kagami held them.</p><p>Someday, Kagami might find out whose hands Tobirama had been hoping to be held by.</p><p>He hopes he doesn't.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Being constantly turned on, something that even spending most of his waking hours trying to make impossible doesn't fix, gets to the point where Kagami has to excuse himself in the middle of an experiment that had been going well.</p><p>He's been getting off every so often that it feels mechanical. He only feels more disgusted and tired each time, but not doing anything isn't helping either.</p><p>Nothing can stop his body from recognizing how close Tobirama is and wanting what he trained it to expect; at least taking advantage of his breaks means he's doing something.</p><p>This morning, he'd thought about the time he and Tobirama had found themselves alone during a mission, guaranteed an hour with each other without uninterruptions. He doesn't know what did it, but Tobirama had been so desperate, he'd barely kept his hands to himself long enough for Kagami to push his pants down and step out of them before he was touching him.</p><p>Tobirama hadn’t fully disrobed either. He'd pushed his uniform pants down, but that was it before he was backing Kagami against the door. He'd kissed Kagami hard as he rolled their hips together, his hands slipping under Kagami’s shirt and stroking Kagami’s chest</p><p>The door hadn't been comfortable to be pushed into, but with Tobirama pinning Kagami with his weight as they rocked against each other, Kagami wouldn't have wanted to stop if he'd been lying on rocks.</p><p>That was the first time Kagami had grabbed Tobirama's ass.</p><p>The sound Tobirama had made still turns Kagami on more than the contents of any Nara-sourced scroll.</p><p>All that happened today was Kagami accidentally knocking into Tobirama as the two of them simultaneously backed up from their projects.</p><p>But Tobirama had made that sound again. Surprised but not unhappy, more interested than Kagami had known what to make of either time.</p><p>It shouldn't matter, but it does.</p><p>So here Kagami is, hidden behind a tree deep in the training area, hand slick with the oil he hasn't stopped carrying, trying to get so lost in a memory, any memory, of Tobirama wanting him that Kagami can come before anyone comes out here.</p><p>He bites the inside of his cheek, trying to keep quiet, but he can't help a desperate, “Tobira-”</p><p>Someone to Kagami’s left draws a sharp breath in.</p><p>Kagami freezes. He'd thought he'd imagined it. He'd been sure his mind was just indulging in a juvenile fantasy, but no, that rush of chakra really had been Tobirama’s hiraishin.</p><p>Neither of them speaks for too long.</p><p>“I know it's uncomfortable, but could you please go so I can finish, Tobirama-sama?” Kagami asks without looking over. “I’m sorry, but I won't be able to concentrate on anything if I don't.”</p><p>Tobirama is the fastest ninja alive, but he makes his way over slowly.</p><p>“Please don't,” Kagami asks, feeling small.</p><p>Tobirama stops.</p><p>Kagami is still hard, and all he wants is for Tobirama to fuck him.</p><p>“Kagami.”</p><p>Tobirama can say it now, but not when Kagami wants him to.</p><p>The grass rustles as Tobirama takes a step closer.</p><p>No one moves as quickly or soundlessly as Tobirama. He may as well be shouting at Kagami that he's coming closer.</p><p>“You don't want me to touch you?” Tobirama asks.</p><p>Kagami barely resists the urge to run his hands over his face. He pulls his pants up instead.</p><p>“Aren't you the one who ended things?” he asks without looking up. He's too embarrassed to be angry. “I can't give you what you want if I don't know what is, Tobirama-sama.”</p><p>He keeps his tone respectful despite feeling like he's going to die.</p><p>He's a good ninja. He loves Konoha and he’ll keep it safe after his heart finishes breaking.</p><p>Tobirama takes another step closer.</p><p>Kagami is still hard.</p><p>“Why did you say my name, Kagami?”</p><p>Kagami keeps his eyes on his hands, one sticky and one not, as he says, “I was thinking about you.”</p><p>It isn't as if Tobirama doesn’t know.</p><p>“You'll find someone else to be intimate with,” Tobirama tells him.</p><p>Kagami closes his eyes. “I'm sure I will.”</p><p>Tobirama stays where he is.</p><p>“You haven't found anyone yet or you wouldn't be sitting here alone. Do you need help?”</p><p>“Are you offering?”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>Kagami swallows. He hadn't thought Tobirama would say that.</p><p>“Do you want me to touch you, Kagami?”</p><p>Closing his eyes, Kagami nods.</p><p>Tobirama’s footsteps are heavier as he joins Kagami by the tree, and Kagami’s skin prickles in anticipation as Tobirama tilts Kagami’s head up with a finger under his chin.</p><p>He kisses Kagami softly.</p><p>It isn't just one kiss. He kisses Kagami again and again, and Kagami weaves his fingers through Tobirama’s hair, as if this is a moment like every other.</p><p>It isn't like every other, and they both know that.</p><p>Kagami bites Tobirama’s lip, and Tobirama groans.</p><p>He reaches between them and pushes Kagami’s pants down. He tries to do it again but only rubs Kagami’s hips.</p><p>“Do you usually not wear underwear?” he asks against Kagami’s lips.</p><p>Kagami shakes his head. “I do, but it gets in the way.”</p><p>He doesn't have to elaborate, and he couldn't if he wanted to- Tobirama touches the tip of Kagami’s cock, and Kagami moans, as turned on by being touched as by knowing it’s Tobirama touching him.</p><p>Tobirama smooths Kagami’s hair away from his face. “You've been leaving on time lately. Is this why?”</p><p>He curls his hand tighter, and Kagami’s breath catches.</p><p>“Is it, Kagami?”</p><p>“Mostly.” Kagami digs his fingers into the flesh of his palm to keep from reaching out and touching Tobirama. “Torifu and I do still have dinner together when we can.”</p><p>“Ah, of course.”</p><p>Tobirama sounds almost disappointed, but he keeps stroking Kagami.</p><p>After getting so close before Tobirama interrupted and spending weeks feeling underwhelmed by every touch, Tobirama’s hand feels so good that Kagami knows he isn't going to last.</p><p>He never told Tobirama about his fear of embarrassing himself. It might be relevant in a minute.</p><p>Whoever Tobirama wants, they must not have gotten together yet; Tobirama is a free thinker, not always in good ways, but he's the type to commit. He wouldn't be doing this if he had someone to go back to.</p><p>So why did he end things? Why did he come back?</p><p>Tobirama’s hand stills. “Kagami.”</p><p>Kagami tilts his head for a kiss. “Yes, Tobirama-sama?”</p><p>“Open your eyes.”</p><p>Reluctantly, Kagami does.</p><p>Tobirama takes his hand out of Kagami's hair and lifts one of his hands by the wrist.</p><p>There's blood smeared over it from cuts that match Kagami’s fingernails.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Shaking his head, Tobirama closes his eyes, and Kagami feels the shift of chakra as Tobirama heals him.</p><p>Tobirama can't do it as well as Hashirama can, but he can handle something this small.</p><p>When he finishes, he gives Kagami a long, searching look.</p><p>“I'll ask again. Do you want me to touch you?”</p><p>Kagami nods. “I do.”</p><p>Tobirama puts Kagami’s hands on Tobirama’s shoulders. “Your hands are important. If you need to hold onto something, hold onto me.”</p><p>That's all he says before he sinks to his knees and noses at Kagami’s hip.</p><p>“Tobi-”</p><p>Tobirama pauses and looks up at him. “Yes?”</p><p>Kagami swallows. “It's nothing. I was just saying your name.”</p><p>Tobirama frowns but rather than press, he leans in and licks the shaft of Kagami’s cock.</p><p>Kagami groans. It doesn't matter that someone else is on Tobirama’s mind. They aren't here. In this part of the woods, it's just Kagami and Tobirama.</p><p>Part of Kagami had thought that Tobirama would treat this as a methodical goodbye, but that part was wrong.</p><p>Just like before, Tobirama can't keep his hands still. He kisses and licks Kagami like this is all he's ever wanted, and if Kagami focuses on the way Tobirama looks with his eyes half-shut, he can almost forget that this is a goodbye.</p><p>Forgetting gets easier when Tobirama takes him into his mouth.</p><p>Kagami bites his tongue and digs his fingers into Tobirama’s shoulders to fight the urge to cry out</p><p>Tobirama holds Kagami's hips in place as he bobs his head. His eyes still aren't open all the way, but he keeps looking up, meeting Kagami’s eyes as he swallows Kagami to the root, burying his nose in the hair between Kagami’s legs.</p><p>Kagami’s breath keeps catching.</p><p>Tobirama looks so good, Kagami wants to keep this moment for the rest of his life.</p><p>It would be a nice final thought.</p><p>Before he’s ready, he's choking out a warning that Tobirama ignores.</p><p>Kagami can't help but whine when he comes.</p><p>Tobirama pulls off slowly but doesn't get up.</p><p>He kisses Kagami’s belly instead, rubbing the mess on his face into Kagami's skin as he presses his lips across Kagami's belly and up Kagami’s hip.</p><p>Breathing hard, Kagami closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against the tree.</p><p>Tobirama hasn't let go of Kagami’s hips; his kisses have to fit between his fingers.</p><p>This isn't real, Kagami reminds himself. Or if it is, it's a goodbye. Thinking otherwise is an easy way to get hurt.</p><p>Kagami is tired of hurting.</p><p>Forcing himself to open his eyes, he looks down at Tobirama.</p><p>Tobirama, who stopped kissing Kagami to rest his forehead on Kagami’s hip, his own eyes shut.</p><p>It’s going to hurt, but once it's done, it's done.</p><p>“Tobirama-sama?”</p><p>Without looking up, Tobirama hums.</p><p>“Whose place am I taking?”</p><p>Tobirama doesn't say anything, doesn't even move.</p><p>“You're wondering who I’m using you as a substitute for,” he says eventually.</p><p>He tilts his head to the side and studies Kagami with one eye.</p><p>No one, not even the hokage, knows how Tobirama’s eyes changed color. When it happened is equally mysterious- from what Kagami has put together, Tobirama had a habit of disappearing when he was younger. He always came back on his own, but he kept to himself so much, no one is sure when it happened.</p><p>It's difficult to read him as Tobirama asks, “Why do you think you're a substitute?”</p><p>“Why wouldn't I?”</p><p>“We've worked together for too long for you to think that's an answer. What evidence do you have that I’m thinking of someone else?”</p><p>This is an interesting quirk of Tobirama’s. He wants the world to be logical and treats it like it is, but Tobirama himself isn't logical. He has habits that make no sense like everyone else does.</p><p>“You start to say someone’s name,” Kagami tells him. The only way to deal with Tobirama when he's being difficult is to go with it until Tobirama relaxes. “Everything we do is done in secret. You always leave quickly and go out of your way not to even suggest that we’re anything more than work partners.”</p><p>Tobirama closes his eye. “I see.”</p><p>“I’m not stupid, Tobirama-sama.”</p><p>“That's true.” Straightening up, Tobirama shakes his head. “You aren't stupid. Nor are you a replacement.”</p><p>“Then what-”</p><p>“In our time together, since you began helping me, I've grown fond of you. I never thought I'd become so attached to you, but since I have…” His lips twist in something that's neither a smile nor a grimace. “I’ve only been thinking about you.”</p><p>Throat tight, Kagami swallows the obvious truth.</p><p>Of the many things Tobirama is, subtle isn't among them.</p><p>“So the secrecy…?”</p><p>“Was unintentional. You never said anything, which I took to mean you wanted to keep this private. Having a history of being intimate with the hokage’s brother could make it difficult to find someone after me.” Tobirama doesn't look away, but color does rise in his cheeks. “It seemed likely that you didn't want to discuss our relationship because you didn't feel comfortable doing so.”</p><p>It strikes Kagami in a way it never had before that he's never heard of Tobirama having any kind of relationship. There are rumors of him sleeping around, but those same whispers say Tobirama isn't picky about who he sleeps with.</p><p>A thought clicks into place.</p><p>“Back in the lab,” Kagami says, “you thought you'd been pressuring me.”</p><p>Tobirama nods. “I'm aware of the disparity in our statuses, and it did occur to me that you might have changed your mind but felt you couldn't say anything. You immediately assumed I’d called you away to sleep with you, and when you realized I hadn't, you were so relieved, it seemed obvious that you didn't want me to touch you.”</p><p>It's easy, Kagami thinks, to misunderstand Tobirama. He's abrupt and impatient, and he doesn't soften his words.</p><p>He's got a different kind of sweetness, but he does have it.</p><p>Giving into the urge to stroke Tobirama's head, Kagami runs his fingers through Tobirama’s hair and says, “I was just tired from my mission. I didn't get much sleep out there, and it's a long way to the Land of Iron.”</p><p>“I see.” Tobirama’s eyes start to fall shut as he leans into Kagami's hand. “I had no idea how long it had been.”</p><p>“You got distracted.”</p><p>“I did, but I didn't make much progress. I work much better when you're with me.”</p><p>His throat suddenly too tight, Kagami swallows. “That's good to hear. I like working with you; I don't want to be a hindrance.”</p><p>“You are decidedly not.”</p><p>Tobirama seems content to stay as he is, but with sweat and spit on his skin and only half of his clothes on, Kagami is getting cold.</p><p>His clothes are still on the ground.</p><p>“Can I put my pants back on?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Tobirama shifts back, and as he does, Kagami notices that Tobirama’s uniform pants are out of place.</p><p>“Tobirama-sama, did you-”</p><p>“Yes,” Tobirama says quickly. His face is fully red as he puts his clothes back in order.</p><p>Silence stretches between them, awkward and unusual.</p><p>With the exception of the last few weeks, the silences between them that have lasted this long haven't been uncomfortable.</p><p>Cute isn't a word Kagami would typically use to describe Tobirama, but there's no other word for the way he looks.</p><p>He's so cute, Kagami blurts a question he hadn't meant to ask.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Tobirama frowns. “Of course. You've never asked before.”</p><p>Kagami feels a blush rise in his own cheeks. “I don't mean just when we’re having sex. If I saw you in the middle of the day and wanted to kiss you, could I?”</p><p>“You could.”</p><p>“Would you like it?”</p><p>“I would.”</p><p>The blush isn't as strong, but Tobirama's cheeks definitely darken in another blush.</p><p>Of course he wasn't thinking of someone else. Tobirama doesn't settle. He barely compromises. If he'd wanted someone else, he never would have let Kagami kiss him.</p><p>“Come on, Tobirama-sama,” Kagami says. He holds out his hand. “Your mouth must taste bad.”</p><p>Lips twisting into an actual smile, Tobirama gets up on his own. He uses Kagami’s hand to reel him in for a kiss.</p><p>It doesn't taste good, but this isn't their last kiss.</p><p>“San is fine,” he says as he steps back. “When we’re in public, you can say Tobirama-san.”</p><p>“And when it's just us?” Kagami asks.</p><p>Tobirama clears his throat. “When we’re alone, there's no need to say more than my name. The same is true around my brother.”</p><p>“And the head of my clan?”</p><p>Expression souring, Tobirama reluctantly nods. “Madara as well.”</p><p>It's well-known that Tobirama, unlike Hashirama, puts a great deal of importance on formality. He likes rules and expects people to be polite to him, and Kagami has never begrudged him that comfort.</p><p>Having permission to stop using honorifics makes Kagami’s chest feel too tight.</p><p>“To be clear,” Tobirama continues, “I never said your name because you never said mine. I assumed that was significant.”</p><p>Fighting a smile, Kagami squeezes Tobirama's hand. “I'll be sure to say it often, then, so I know you'll say mine.”</p><p>Tobirama nods, and Kagami knows this is as much as Tobirama can handle.</p><p>“Someone is bound to come out here to train,” he points out. “Or just to have some quiet time.”</p><p>“And this isn't a state we should be found in.”</p><p>Kagami nods, and Tobirama runs a hand through his hair. It's still damp and messy, and Kagami’s fingers itch to put it back into order.</p><p>“Tobirama?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>Only using Tobirama’s name and not being scolded for it is a rush.</p><p>Kagami is going to keep doing it.</p><p>“Just checking.”</p><p>Tobirama’s cheeks turn pink again. “You can return home. There's nothing in the lab that needs your immediate attention.”</p><p>“What about you? Is there something you need to do?”</p><p>“I tried once more with putting chakra in a section of that rock than I intended to, and I suspect it may explode if I don’t return and remove the chakra.” He shakes his head. “Disarming it shouldn’t take more than half an hour.”</p><p>Kagami casts a critical eye over Tobirama. “It's unlike you to make mistakes. Did something happen?”</p><p>Tobirama clears his throat. “I was concerned about you disappearing so quickly. My hiraishin mark is easy to locate, so I followed it to you.”</p><p>Horror rising, Kagami asks, “Could you tell what I was doing by my chakra?”</p><p>“To a degree. If I'd taken longer, I would have noticed that you were aroused, but I wouldn't have known what you were doing.”</p><p>Kagami lets out a sigh of relief. “I don't need to go home, you know. Everything is taken care of. I could go back with you.”</p><p>He looks down pointedly, then back up.</p><p>Tobirama swallows.</p><p>“That rock is the only project that needs to be tended to, and it will require at least a few hours to lose the vestiges of the chakra I put inside it. It's something you don't need to waste your time with.”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>It's disappointing, but Kagami does understand it.</p><p>Tobirama runs his thumb over Kagami’s knuckles. “As I said, no more than half an hour. You've been to my home. You could make yourself comfortable there if you wished.”</p><p>Words sticking in his throat, Kagami nods.</p><p>Tobirama reaches into the pocket of his uniform pants and pulls out a key, which he holds out.</p><p>Kagami takes it and closes his fingers around it. “No more than half an hour.”</p><p>Tobirama nods.</p><p>“Then there's one last thing.” Swallowing hard, Kagami takes a step closer so he and Tobirama are nearly chest to chest. It makes the difference in their heights stark. “I like to top sometimes, but unless you object, that isn't what I want this time.”</p><p>The sound Tobirama makes is torn between a choke and a groan.</p><p>Kagami touches Tobirama’s chest, his tongue thick with the knowledge that he can leave a mark there. He can leave a mark anywhere. “Do you object, Tobirama?”</p><p>Tobirama clears his throat. “I don’t.”</p><p>Despite already having seen how far down Tobirama’s blushes go, Kagami still finds himself wondering about it.</p><p>Knowing he isn’t a replacement doesn’t change Tobirama’s body, but it feels like it could have.</p><p>Pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Tobirama’s mouth, Kagami says, “I’ll see you when you finish.”</p><p>He releases Tobirama’s hand and makes a quick retreat.</p><p>He's going to need as much of that half an hour as possible.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was originally an angsty PWP, but it grew. The plot is still weaker than I'd like, but I hope it was still enjoyable!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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